FROM DIRECTEE, MITZI WILSON

Most of us who follow Christ want to be closer to God and to know him and ourselves better. Yet, we’re often stymied about how to go about it. Spiritual direction is not the place with all the answers, but it is the place to intentionally, consistently sit with all the questions.

A friend recently commented that it seems like I often pursue God throughout my life. I believe this is directly because of spiritual direction and the desire it has birthed to both pursue God and recognize how much he pursues me. A very mutual pursuit, but one that has always been initiated by God. We have been pursuing each other for years now. Playing hide and seek and follow the leader while we each retreat and advance. And a lot of this over the past twenty years has been worked out in my monthly spiritual direction appointment.

I don’t think pursuing God comes naturally to many of us – something about a sinful nature perhaps? But by spending regular consistent time talking, being listened to, and prayed for, I’ve learned the ways God listens and talks to me too. It’s helped me to create space for God to come near and shown me the ways I keep him at arm’s length. How do I stop hiding from God unless I first know I am doing it? How do I stop hiding from God unless I know I can trust him? These are a few of the questions I’ve been able to explore in spiritual direction.

Asking reflective questions has been a gift of my time in spiritual direction. Instead of just being angry about something, or sad, or anxious I will often ask, “What is really going on here? What am I really angry about?” Or “what is under the sadness? What am I afraid of?” I’ve learned to know myself better, which in turn has helped me name the source of my emotions so I can really address them with God. Sometimes there’s healing that needs to happen, sometimes I need to pay closer attention, sometimes I need to ask forgiveness for holding on to something he’s asked me to let go of, or sometimes I just need to invite him to sit with me and my emotions.

In a busy world with so many distractions close at hand spiritual direction is a rare gift of focus and noticing. And doing it over and over monthly with the same person creates a shared narrative, shared history, that helps each conversation go deeper. 

Noticing is the third big gift that spiritual direction has brought me. I think of Moses and the burning bush. He saw a bush on fire, he noticed that it did not burn up, so he decided to get closer to check it out. “When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush…” I can often picture God setting bushes on fire all around me while I’m looking at my phone or a tv show or even pretending I don’t see the fires until I finally stop and notice something is up and move toward the “burning bush.” When I stop to notice, it is then that he addresses me. Much of this noticing happens in spiritual direction, yet, over time, I’ve learned to notice between the meetings as well.

I recently found myself almost overwhelmed with sadness when a friend’s plans didn’t match mine in the way or with the timing I was hoping for. I felt overwhelmed almost to the point of despair, which certainly felt like an extreme response for the situation.  So I turned to a question to notice what was happening beneath the emotion and asked, “God, why am I so sad about this?” Then I was able to name that I was actually afraid of the future, and I was inappropriately pinning my future security on someone else instead of God. I could then shift the conversation to, “I’m sorry God, that I was looking to a person instead of trusting you with my future. And aren’t you a safer place to store my hopes for the future than any person? Thank you for taking such good care of me!” All this took place during my drive to work. How amazing that I was able to recognize the overreaction, invite God to look at it with me, hear where I had misplaced my expectations, ask God for forgiveness, be forgiven, and move to thankfulness for his provision – all in my half hour commute!

A conversation like that with God could have only happened because of spiritual direction. There is no question it has changed my life for the better. I can joyfully live, finding God in the everyday moments. What a gift.

Are you looking to take the first step in connecting with a spiritual director? Many of our graduates from our certificate in spiritual direction are also listed on our website! Follow the link below to find someone you connect with.