Living In Transition
FROM THE DESK OF OUR FOUNDER, RAMA ZIEGENHALS
A special thank you to one of our grantors, Imago Dei, who provided the funds for this retreat & who recognize the importance of caring for our souls as we care for others…
Our family has been in transition for the past two years.
It began with my Mother & moving her into a retirement home. Which was an emotional & draining season as we downsized, packed up, & sold her home of 40 years!
Then my daughter & her husband packing up & moving & her husband starting a new job. Then there is my husband, who announced his retirement in January to the church he has been pastoring for the past 30 years. His retirement also means we are moving out of our home, the parsonage, & following our family to NH. This brings with it saying goodbye to where we raised our children, made lifelong friends, & a community we love dearly. Oh, & lest I forget the highlight, we welcomed two Granddaughters this summer. Lots & lots of transitions!
In the midst of all this, it is our custom to spend August on vacation in NH, & this summer was no different. However, what was different was the work we faced to turn the family summer home into a year-round home ready to move into. A moment came in the midst of painting, workers in & out, ongoing care of my Mother, & helping my daughters, when my husband smiled & said, “Everyone wants Rama.” Up came my quick & unbidden response, “Rama also wants Rama.” & “Oh Lord, I heard that!”
This has been a long & weary season. It has held many beautiful & grace filled moments of which I thank God for His abundant care & provision. But in that moment, I knew that I was in danger of being out of touch with myself, out of touch with my emotions & the letting go that was beginning to speed up. And so, I quickly looked at my calendar & like many of us, did not have space for a retreat, but I also knew I had to have space for a retreat! So I carved out some time & booked a week in the mountains of NH.
As I entered five nights, my need was to step away from caring for others, rest, & ask God “Where am I?” Yes, instead of God asking me that question, I was asking God, where am I physically, mentally, & emotionally? Help me to hear my soul. The answer was quick, simple, & profoundly freeing, “You are in transition.”
Didn’t I already know that?
And yet with that awakening from God came a long deep exhale & permission to be tired & weary & drained. “You are in transition, Rama.” With this truth I was reminded of how transition is the place of thresholds where one door is closing, & a new door is opening. In that in-between space, I want to be present to saying goodbye while also preparing to walk into a new season of life.
It felt like I wasn’t doing either very well. But God reminded me that transition is not hard ground, but fertile ground where beautiful things can grow. It is a season, an important season, to not miss but walk through emotionally, mentally, & physically aware of where I am. All while leaning into God’s abundant grace & love. Letting go of a familiar & safe season of life while flying through the air toward a new season can feel both exciting & intimidating.
Yet, God was not done with His words of wisdom.
I was spending my retreat at the AMC Highland Center in the Crawford Notch of NH. All around me were young, healthy, cheerful staff. I made the mistake of asking what they did on their days off, & of course they began listing the 4,000 footers they were hiking. Oh, & not one per day, but multiple mountains per day! But as I chatted asking for some hike suggestions that were easier for children, i.e. me, this young man pointedly said, “You know, you need to listen to your body.”
I heard that God.
Didn’t I already know that too? But again, it felt profoundly freeing, giving me permission to rest. My body had been taking a toll as it did my bidding, & I was beginning to feel the cracks. I needed to listen to my body & be gentle with my limits & needs. I wanted to walk into our new season with two feet under me & not land hard on my face as I tripped over the threshold through the open door.
Thank you, God, for your kind & concerned invitation to pay attention to my body.
God listened to me as I made space to share my heart with Him. I didn’t want to emotionally miss this moment of saying goodbye to the season of my life where I raised my children, built a marriage, walked with friends, journeyed with God through wounds & healing, & was loved by my church family. So many layers of letting go & yet so many new things ahead. Thank you, God, for listening with me. Please continue to help me to not miss saying goodbye to this beautiful life you gifted me with in this small town called Essex. A dream come true.
But before leaving the retreat, God gifted me with a blessing as I look ahead to the new season that is emerging. This verse comes from a poem that I found folded up in my journal. It was given to me by my spiritual director when I was on retreat two years ago when this season of transition began. The poem is called New Beginnings & reminds me of God’s abundant life that is still unfolding before me:
Then the delight, when your course kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plentitude opening before you.
Need a retreat of your own? Come join us in Essex, MA on December 7th for our annual Advent retreat!